Funny and humorous quotes collection

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans - John Lennon

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.

Summer is the season when the air pollution is much warmer

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. - Rita Rudner

Image source: quotesarcade

The Square Root of 3 - Kumar Patel recitation

Kumar Patel: [reciting the poem 'The Square Root of 3'] in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

The youtube clip can be found here

The poem:
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed.